Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
