I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
