You're completely useless in the revolution.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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