it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
