Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
