Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
