There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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