Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
