also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
