i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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