Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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