not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
