I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
