no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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