One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
