So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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