you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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