This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
