I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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