I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
