Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
