I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
