i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
