I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Plan B is the new Plan A
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
