NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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