oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
