I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
