p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
