He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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