hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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