on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
