I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dicks are not precious.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
