Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
