I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
