Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
