if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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