the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
