Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
