I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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