Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
