Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
