I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i came on her dog
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
