So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
