dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't deserve a penis
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Help. Why am I so naked?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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