she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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