I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
not ubering you a puppy
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
