I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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