we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
