all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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