my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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