he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
